The processing of my week in Cambodia to work with the wonderful people of Transform, continues. It has evolved, as I have worked through the questions that have been raised by my experience. But currently I am going through a process of re-evaluating.
I am thinking carefully about the stuff we own, the things we fill our time with, the things we spend our money on, the relationships we cultivate, the things we think are so important in our life.
I suffer from back and shoulder problems. That is where I carry all my tension. And this is how I deal with it.
I ignore it. And ignore it. And ignore it.
Until the pain gets to the point where I can’t ignore it any more. So, eventually, I give in and go to the physio and get it worked on.
The thing about a physio is that they actively seek out the sore spots. Those spots that are giving you particular pain, and then they push on them.
They know that they need to work on those points, to allow the tension to release, and the muscles to unknot, and the pain to ease. But while you are lying there on the bed and they are pressing on those sore points all you can think is, “this hurts worse than before”.
Do you have those things in your life? Those sore spots you have been ignoring and hope will just go away? Is that working for you?
I do the same too, I think that if I ignore something for long enough it will disappear.
We’ve been having some very confusing weather of late. We have had beautiful balmy weekends that seem to herald the arrival of spring and then wet and cold weeks where the wind is blowing straight off the antarctic.
I am finding it very frustrating. I don’t know whether to hang my washing or put it in the dryer. I don’t know whether to take an umbrella or not. I don’t quite know what the season is, and I just wish it would make up its mind so I could plan.
It is August, it is cold and rainy, and I have finally succumbed to a cold that has been threatening for days! I am feeling miserable and winter is getting me down.
As I pulled into the driveway after school drop off today, there was a rainbow right above my house. The familiar faded colours of hope, shining despite the clouds. And I thought it is time for a little list.
When I was giving birth to my eldest daughter, it was a public holiday and so we did not have my usual obstetrician. The new doctor came into the room as I struggled and pushed to birth my child and uttered these words of advice “get angry”.
It wasn’t really useful advice for me and when I was finally holding my beautiful daughter in my arms, he said “you don’t get angry much do you?”
I have been in a season of good things, a season of great things, a season of wonderful things that all happened one after another. I feel like I turned 40 and my life went crazy in the best sort of way. So from my birthday to now – the past three months have been very busy.
At the moment my spirit feels like a dust cloud, so many particles up in the air vying for my attention and I can’t see a clear way forward. Yet I am trying. So I am fumbling through the cloud, and getting sand in my eyes and throat, and wondering why I can’t see clearly and why I just can’t breathe.
Things have been a little quiet around here since I got back from Cambodia and that is because I have been processing:
Processing their reality and our reality.