I have been in a season of good things, a season of great things, a season of wonderful things that all happened one after another. I feel like I turned 40 and my life went crazy in the best sort of way. So from my birthday to now – the past three months have been very busy.
At the moment my spirit feels like a dust cloud, so many particles up in the air vying for my attention and I can’t see a clear way forward. Yet I am trying. So I am fumbling through the cloud, and getting sand in my eyes and throat, and wondering why I can’t see clearly and why I just can’t breathe.
Things have been a little quiet around here since I got back from Cambodia and that is because I have been processing:
Processing their reality and our reality.
Once again in the middle of having a massage I had to be told to relax. Why is it that something that I go to do, expressly to relax, is also somewhere where I need to be told to relax?
One of the images I took a mental snapshot of was a broken China plate on the side of the road. It was crisp and white with the rose pattern standing out. A glimpse of beauty in amongst the rubbish and dirt of the slum.
It is an image I can’t shake and it sums up the contradictions of Cambodia for me so far … beautiful but broken, flowers amongst the rubbish, stark white catching my eye from the dirt.
Too much on my mind, so I’ll sum it all up in a word play:
expectant: expecting, anticipating, or hopeful; having expectations; pregnant; a person who expects something
We live in a culture of complaining.
A culture where the answer to the standard greeting “how are you?”, is “busy” or “stressed”. Or we use it as a way to list all our problems as we detail just how complicated and hard and complex our life is.
I was struck by a line in this Audrey Assad song the other day, and I just can’t shake it:
and the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy
What is stealing your joy?
I have just spent a couple of days down by the beach.
We have been going through a pretty crazy season in our household with a lot of things on. So packing to go away was a bit of a hassle. Having to organise the kids and myself and going somewhere different. Having to make sure that we had enough warm clothes and food for the weekend.
But I forgot, the sea is calming for me.