I’ve been thinking a fair bit recently about journeys and destinations.
I love going on a trip somewhere. I prepare for weeks in advance. Then I hop on a plane or in a car, I settle in and enjoy the journey, (or sometimes endure it) and eventually I reach my destination in a new country or new town. I am wide-eyed with excitement taking it all in, and then when I reach where I will sleep that night, that’s when I breathe a sigh and I rest and I relax.
I am struck by a paradox at the moment of feeling like I have reached a destination and yet simultaneously I am on a journey.
The paradox is this:
I am a wife, and yet I have not arrived. I am ever growing in my understanding of Mr and myself, and our relationship evolves as we do.
I am a mother, and yet I have not arrived. There is so much learning, so much growing to do in this role, as our family’s needs change.
I am a writer, and yet I have not arrived. I have so much more to do to develop my craft and hone my voice.
There are so many other areas this applies, in my friendships, in my faith, in my cooking, in my stewardship of our house etc.
Even in my journey towards clarity this year, there has been no real sense of arriving at a destination on so many things. Just an evolving and developing landscape.
The paradox of at once being at a destination and yet on the journey. It is a bit disconcerting.
And don’t get me wrong here, I have already talked about the merits of lifelong learning here a number of times, and I feel very strongly that it’s a trait that it is important to have both for myself and to model and encourage in my girls.
But right now I am feeling tired of the journey. I see the place I need to grow much more than I see where I have arrived. I see the places where I am being stretched much more than the places where I am working in my hard-learned capacity. I am so aware of my faults and failings that I forget to look at my growth and triumphs.
And I am tired. I just want to feel like I can take a deep breath, sigh and rest a bit, and say ok I have arrived. I am here.
Sorry, no real conclusions here, and I guess that’s why this blog is called ‘only halfway there’, and the byline is “encouragement for the journey”. Because the journey is long, and I don’t know about you, but I need a heck of a lot of encouragement along the way.
Still learning the unforced rhythms of grace,