on control, fear, and trust

Rising Strong square

Amanda, Elaine and I have been on a journey. A journey of owning our stories, struggling through day two, rumbling with our emotions, questioning our SFD’s and engaging in the messy work of Rising Strong.

It has been intense, it has been soul-wrenching at times, and definitely life-changing.

My journey this month has been one of recognition, denial, acceptance, shame and determination.

Recognition of my need for absolute control of my own emotions, and actually (let’s be honest) everyone else around me too!

And when I dig down into the miasma of my emotions to find the root cause I find fear lurking. Fear of being hurt again. Fear of my nearest and dearest being hurt. So in denial I self-protected, and numbed and got busy and did all I could in the futile endeavour not to feel.

And then when I finally accepted the truth in front of me, shame reared its ugly head. “I should never have posted that, I shouldn’t have spoken that out loud”.

So today, our last day of this book club, I sit in a place of determination. Because I know that I don’t have to do this alone.

My favourite verse, my life verse is this one:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.

See the root problem is fear, and I try to mask it myself with the surface behaviour of control. But in my heart I know the solution is trust.

So as I say yes to Rising Strong, to the process and the practice that Brené has equipped me with. I say yes to trusting that rumbling with my emotions will enable me to be more whole-hearted. I say yes conversations that start with “the story I’m making up is”. I say yes to writing SFD’s. I even say yes to day two.

Stubbornly, determinedly, and with trust in the one who made me I will keep Rising Strong.

Jodie

Elaine, Amanda and I are all reflecting today on the Rising Strong bookclub so pop over and read Elaine’s post here and Amanda’s post here. And a reminder that the link to all posts is here. And we want to thank you for reading along and joining the conversation too.

Our Bookclub question is the same across all the posts today:

What is one emotion you have been made more aware of through the process of reading this book? Shame, curiosity, anger, fear, rejection?

 

2 thoughts on “on control, fear, and trust

  1. Trust indeed. I think your trust is going beyond borders. You are going beyond borders. Can’t wait to see the next steps of the journey. Xxx

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